Newsbreak: December 15, 2017

Just saying hello in my own peculiar way. I wonder how much money those stars made with DVD's of my comedy sold as Christmas gifts. I'm still waiting for my royalties. Season's greetings from the newsroom. As we prepare to meet another atheist foe in battle, let's not forget who's guarding the precious right to tell confusing fibs to small children at Christmastime. A meteor collision destroyed several million square miles of the Canadian Arctic this morning. Aside from a family of hibernating polar bears, there were no significant casualties. A climatologist says not to worry too much about greenhouse gas emissions. According to him, global warming has thus far kept a comfortable pace with the creeping advance of the next ice age. The government is seeking a compromise in the disposal of highly toxic waste, saying underground burial is acceptable as long as it is done with careful attention to controlling the spread of earwigs. And the late Richard Glock has established himself as the greatest lone mass murderer in history, overtaking his predecessor by the employment of remote control turrets positioned to impose a triangulating crossfire on his unsuspecting crowd of victims. Let's see how long he lasts.
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© 2007, 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.