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I guess it's up to me to share my fan mail with my readers here or they'd never know I had fans without being able to watch my life unfold on NBC behind my back over the course of two solid years. Since the web seems to be stingy about letting anyone view my fan response online in my region, I must get my cousin working at the Canadian embassy in Timbuktu to gather my fan mail for me from there. Here are a few letters from the last batch he sent me. Dear Dave, Thank you for posting Denial Moves. My toddler can be very hyperactive and letting him dance along to your video really helped me to get him under control. I don't know how I would raise my child without you. Workin' Mom Dear Dave, Ever since the accident I've been trying to get my life back together. The doctor told me I'd never walk again but when I heard your voice singing Tinsel Heaven I stood up on my own power for the first time in eight years. God bless you. Miracle Believer Dear Dave, Your documentary about Pender Street may have saved my life. I am a recently arrived drug addict to your city from another province. The other day I got lost trying to find Insite but your documentary about Pender Street led me straight there. Thank you for saving me from a potential death by accidental overdose. Anonymous Thank you for your generous praise and I hope this helps my local fans to feel more comfortable about expressing their support. |
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| © 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Fan Mail
Monday, March 27, 2017
Sharp Recollection
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I wonder if anyone noticed the razor wire strung along the top of the fence behind me in this video. I like it because it reminds me of my trip to Europe when I ran out of money. I planned to just sit tight and wait for my government to rescue me but one of the other prisoners wanted to me to help him break out. He planned the escape well, bribing the guards with money and the dogs with biscuits. When we got to the fence we saw that it was electrified. It took a while to find the socket it was plugged into because the Germans had cleverly buried it in the ground, but it still came out with a good yank. The barbed wire was easy to climb on but I almost ended up shredding my trousers on the razor wire. Once outside, we both ran in different directions to make our getaway. I disguised myself as a cartoonist and built up a portfolio to help me get past the border guards. But when I got to the border and showed them my cartoons they wouldn't believe it was my work. Luckily, right at that moment I sneezed and a mucus bubble came out of my nose. I tried to burst it by blasting more air into it from my nostril but that just made it grow larger and larger until it threatened to pull me off the ground. One of the guards had to shoot it. After that they believed me. |
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| © 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Sunday, March 26, 2017
Shirley Sureloins (Theatre of the Ribald)
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We never needed Saturday Night Live to spoon feed this joke to us from the TV. It did not improve your life one bit but it improved their lives immensely. (I changed this character's first name last night to pair it off with her last name. I'll move it in the scripts index accordingly.) Shirley Sureloins was a shoplifter with a diabolical command of illusion. (A music store. Exit Sureloins in a dress.) Salesman: Hey, where did that microphone go? Shoplifting was the only way she could support her gambling addiction. (A casino poker game.) Dealer: (to Sureloins) I don't know how you keep your pile of chips so high when you lose so many hands. It was inevitable that her intimate secret would interfere with her relationships. (Sureloins with her boyfriend in bed.) Boyfriend: (Struggling) There's something in the way. Wait a minute. (He reaches under the blankets and pulls out a roll of quarters.) Look at that! Cha-ching! I guess it's my lucky day! Sureloins: Hand it over. Boyfriend: Why? I found it! (They fight.) The lines of ownership are sure to be blurred by Shirley Sureloins, tonight on Theatre of the Ribald. |
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| © 2007, 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Literary Pulse
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(This installment of We're All Dying is brought to you by Strong-Arm Redistribution: Don't fuck with us.) Some of the most exciting new ideas for the stage and screen have come from the pen of our guest, Mitchell Mishougina. He thinks that the real story of how he came up with his scripts is just as thrilling as his content and has compiled his most memorable moments as an author into what promises to be a blockbuster movie. And it's about time we included the author in a production. Yes, we authors are often concerned about keeping the content realistic. In my movie there are no special effects, just the stark reality of my life. I understand you brought along some clips of action scenes. Why don't we take a look at them? Now here's you typing something into a computer. It looks like you're taking dictation. Actually, I'm watching a golf game and typing it out in my own words in real time. What else do you have? There's you in front of your monitor but you're not typing. This is one of the suspense scenes where I'm trying to think of a rhyme for a verse. In a few minutes I'll open up my thesaurus and discover the word 'flinders'. Are there any scenes of you away from your computer? No, but I open a box of Arrowroot cookies just before the climax. Aren't you afraid of leaving movie goers under-stimulated? Not at all. If they need more, they can read the book. |
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| © 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Here's Their Monster
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This shows the kind of harmless person who ends up getting pounced on by predators on the web. What did they call me again? Hitler or something? I'm glad I still haven't killed myself like the broadcasters want so I can keep sharing my side of the story and you can hear the truth about me. The truth is that I thought of new things and shared them on web. And then I wasn't allowed to say they were mine because all the rich predators wanted them. I would have been better off all this time if I had kept my work to myself instead of sharing it on the web. Nothing good can happen with so many jealous rich stars in the way. |
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| © 2017. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Denial Moves
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See 'Hip Moves' in my Scripts index for more like this. |
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| © 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Thursday, March 9, 2017
The Psychology of Skit
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| © 2017. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
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