Twitocracy

Oh, did you come to enjoy my new comedy post after you finished voting for Christy Clark so I can suffer more while I try to save my own money to play my music after your broadcasters made millions from stealing my posts and refuse to pay me? Yeah, enjoy. This is called real love, the kind of love that hurts to give. Host: It's time to discuss the important issues of the day on Twitocracy. With us in the studio are the two major contenders for the presidency. They have sharply opposing differences on how to deal with the problems of street crime, media corruption, and anti-war protests. Let's start with Elmer Finch, who represents the Christian Fascists. Mister Finch, you have the floor. Finch: Thank you. I try not to use too much gas when I'm barbecuing hot dogs. The flames rise too high and end up overcooking them. When I eat a hot dog, I want it to taste like meat, not like a piece of charcoal. Also, I think it's a good idea to wear an apron for this chore. The juices can fly up and stain your shirt if you're not careful. Host: I see. Is that all you have to say? You still have several minutes of airtime. Finch: Only that I think we need to take life one day at a time. Host: Fine. That takes us over to Felix Shicklegruber of the Liberal Communists. Mister Shicklegruber, I have a feeling you disagree with Mister Finch's position. Shicklegruber: You're darn tootin'! I've been over and over this again with my opponent in the house: barbecues need gas. The coals don't get hot enough unless you pour on the gas. I used to be like my opponent, skimping on the gas when everyone around me was counting on a well cooked dog. I thought I was being efficient when I was only being cheap. Then my neighbor's toddler got worms. The doctor said it was from chewing a wad of gum that he found on the lawn, but I knew better. And if we all follow Mister Finch's policy now, we're all going to get worms! Finch: How dare you! Shicklegruber: I'm only speaking from experience. Finch: You couldn't barbecue your way out of a famine with those chicken wieners you buy! Or are they plastic? Shicklegruber: You want to insult my wieners? Well, I heard that your wurst is the worst. Finch: (breaking in) Your barbecue looks like it hasn't been cleaned since the bronze age! Shicklegruber: Gentlemen, gentlemen, please restrain yourselves. I know you feel passionate about the issues but we accomplish nothing here when you both speak at the same time. (to be continued?)
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© 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Time Portal/Colonization's Culprits

Who was really behind global European colonization? Can we fairly blame this on the white man alone? What would our time portal show us if it let us peer into the homes of some of Europe's most outstanding historical figures? (13th century Marco Polo's house.) Polo: (entering) Honey, I'm home! Polo's wife: What did you bring me? Polo: Check this out. (He dumps a pile of jewelry on the table.) Polo's wife: Wow! Those Chinese are loaded! You have to go back there. Polo: But I just got home! Polo's wife: You heard me. (16th century Hernando Cortez's house.) Cortez: I've never seen so much gold in my life. We had to reinforce the hull of our galleon or we would have sunk before we even cleared the harbor. Cortez's wife: When are you going back? Cortez: Why? They're a peace loving people and they've already been extremely generous. Cortez's wife: Do you mean to tell me that you're just going to sit there and do nothing while a peace loving people prances around with all that fabulous wealth? What kind of man are you? (17th century Henry Morgan's house.) Morgan: (opening a treasure chest) Look, darling, now we can afford to send Junior to a good college. Morgan's wife: Ingots? Is that the best you can do? I heard that Francis Drake is handing out solid gold bars...
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© 2007, 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Consumer Insight/Just Ask Why

This may have been sparked by a perceived challenge to my firm conviction that music fans prefer musicians who make music over musicians who make money and by the ongoing problem of violence in my personal environment. Welcome, conscientious citizens. It's time for another enlightening installment of Consumer Insight, where we share the kind of information that could destroy our full-of-shit economy. Today our focus will be on television news, a commercial product like any other, which many mistake for a reliable information source. Because you are probably tired from working all day by the time you get in front of your TV to watch the news, you may be incapable of putting the extra effort into analyzing the reports which are being spoon fed to you. The networks count on this and typically present their news in a form that falls short of telling the whole story, quite often with the effect of steering you away from the appropriate reaction. You may still gather truth from these reports, as long as you are distrustful enough to ask the question, why?. Let's consider a news report of a company which boasts profits. Why are they boasting? Boasting smacks of insecurity. A rich man doesn't need to boast of his success unless it has come into question. So a news report which boasts of a company's profits may actually be telling you the very opposite, that the company is losing money and possibly even on the verge of bankruptcy, as was the case with the media supported ENRON. Is a protest receiving attention? How many millions marched against the last war and were dismissed by the media? That's what happens when a protest disagrees with the establishment. So why would a protest be receiving attention now? Why, because it agrees with the designs of the establishment! If the establishment wants to stop spending money on expensive jails, for instance, and dump violent criminals on the poor and unemployed to scare workers into keeping their jobs, then a protest which champions the human rights of inmates will receive media support to make such a move look popular. Is a foreign country flexing its military muscles in the news? Is it being depicted as a threat to world peace? Why? The answer to that is fairly obvious, it is shown as a threat to world peace in order to justify its military invasion by our armed forces. In all fairness, however, the establishment knows more than we do on these matters, and if they want to go to war, they likely have good reasons for it, just not quite the same reasons which are handed down to us through their news broadcasts. That's all for Consumer Insight this time. Edgar Kreskin Junior is away at the psychic's convention and will return to this time slot by next week. Thank you for your attention and don't ask why we must invent fictitious sponsors for this program.
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© 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Thelma Addison's Confusion/Smart Dining

Welcome back to Thelma Addison's Confusion, where we encourage people to laugh at life. I'm Thelma Addison. I learned something new the other day while I was having lunch with a friend, smoking up is more effective after a meal than it is before. If you eat after smoking up, the food thickens your blood and makes you come down, but if you wait until you finish eating, the THC mixes with the food that's already there to make you more intoxicated. It reminded me of when I first started toking and I would puff and puff but I couldn't get high. I must have been too well nourished. Now that I think of it, my first genuine buzz hit me around the time of my first diet. Somehow I managed to put on five pounds in one night by eating nothing but fat free potato chips and washing them down with ginseng tea. So if you're a new user who's having trouble like that, try starving a bit. Of course, smoking harms your lungs and you always have the option of eating the stuff. You won't get high as fast but your trip will last a lot longer. The only problem with this method is that you can never quite satisfy your appetite. In fact, the more you eat, the hungrier you get, which may lead to an overdose. You don't want to OD on marijuana; you can't sleep because you keep seeing cartoons in your head that wake you up laughing and it can last for as long as two days. Most people are in a hurry to get high and prefer the smoking method. The ones who prefer to wait for their payoff run the risk of falling into the trap of alcoholism. Marijuana is a gateway drug to alcohol in this respect and you must be very careful with it. Well, I can feel my brain shifting over to another thought completely at random so I guess I used up my five minutes with this thought. For Thelma Addison's Confusion, I'm Thelma Addison saying, the lower your lot, the more you'd love pot.
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© 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Side Note

May 4: I decided to post a statement today to address some political issues that have come up around the election. You may view it at this link: The Punishment of the Disabled.

May 5: Posted another statement to help people analyze their election information: Fraud's Best Friend.

May 6: Added statement to talk about crime control: The Crime of Being Unemployed

Wally the Street Squirrel/Episode 3/Hard Lessons

I stayed at home to draw this yesterday and color it today. It's slow going when you're always starting with a blank page. I sure worked hard on this cartoon. I still need to touch it up from the scanner but I'm too tired. I work very hard on all my work, whether it's a recording or a poem or a script... very, very hard.
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© 2017. Words and images by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Wally the Street Squirrel/Episode 2/Airport '17

I stayed at home to draw this yesterday. I recall working on Catwoman in a past cartoon post.
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© 2017. Words and images by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.