The Balogne Bulletin

I can see why Saturday Night Live need to steal my news bulletins. My news bulletins are just about the funniest things I write. But it's a good thing the media took offense especially to Jon Stewart's and Tina Fey's abuse of my news parodies because that was the only way I was ever going to get any kind of appropriate justice for the far more serious crime of stealing my work. The offenders who stole my news bulletins were punished in 2012 by the media for offending the media far more impressively than they have been punished since I learned about it and put a stop to it. In a statement from the ministry, the military insisted it did not seize poppy farms in Afghanistan for illicit purposes but merely to replenish the lawn at their Belgian cemetery. Lawyers say that a private citizen's case against the world's second largest corporation has been dismissed for lack of evidence. The man sued for hospital expenses after he stepped on a wire and was electrocuted during a popular television broadcast in front of millions of witnesses. To improve security, modern surveillance equipment is being installed in all college dorms. The contractor plans to use the post as a reward for his hardest working men. City Hall is experimenting with a softer, gentler style of law enforcement after more complaints of police brutality from drunks. Hostage takers will have to the count of ten to surrender before being shot and executioners must give at least one inch of slack when putting a neck in a noose. And you will no longer have to worry about separating plastic from paper for recycling, thanks to a new playing cards manufacturer's increased demand for paper with a smooth, glossy finish.
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© 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.