Commercial Mindset

Hello, and welcome to Commercial Mindset, where we help you to better understand your friends and relatives in the corporate work force. It's important for you to know that we are good, hard working folk who hold the same traditional family values as yourself. Still, some of you may get confused by looking at our actions instead of listening to our words. One area where this causes a lot of problems is God. So today I thought I'd go over some of the ways where it might look like we are sinning so you know better than to jump to that conclusion. The three main ways we may look like we're contradicting God are loving, sharing, and telling the truth. Let's start with loving. God loves you unconditionally. God has to forgive you when you repent. We don't have to do that. If you make a mistake with us, we can damn well punish you severely for it. Generally speaking, we punish you when you fail to make money for us and we reward you when you make us a profit. This is a perfectly Godlike way of doing business, only it substitutes money for virtue. As for sharing, we don't do that either. Sharing is bad for the economy. That's why there was so much unemployment in the Dark Ages before the church got smart about how to preach sharing. We think you should pay for everything, even for the air you breathe. And anyone who hands out these things to you for free is our sworn enemy. We think such a person should be nailed to a cross and left to die in agonizing pain. We don't think anyone but God can freely share without causing a problem here among his children. In this way, we respect God more than the selfless. When it comes to telling the truth, we think we are pretty consistent. Truth is ultimately subjective, of course, and our truth is that we'll say whatever our sponsors want us to say as long as they pay us enough money to say it. If you don't pay us, we say nothing. Isn't that fair? We haven't hidden our truth from our viewers and think we deserve credit for our openness on a topic that is potentially damaging to our image. From this we may gather up a slightly modified version of loving thy neighbor. We think you can love your neighbors more by wiping out all the philanthropists who screw up our capitalist system and make it harder to find a good paying job. That's all for Commercial Mindset this week. Until next week, stay decent!
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© 2017. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.